More than one kind of tears?

Well this gal thinks so.

That chick cries a fucking LOT! I have like four reasons for crying/making-tears-to-keep-my-eyeballs-from-turning-into-ocular-raisins but she has reasons I have to look up in a dictionary! Lineal tears?

Is that like how many board feet of tears she cried this 28-day mentrual cycle or something?

What a friend she would be. She sees someone she hasn't seen in years, makes that weird, girl-squeal noise, hugs the startled and alarmed chick (who is, by then, thinking, "God, it's that fucking psycho-chick from that community college, adult ed class on mushroom identification! Why does she know my name?!?!") and then says "Wait! I need a phial to collect these tears of reunion!"

Which is not weird at all!

I would be her friend though. I like crazy people. "This is my friend Sally. If she wants to collect any of your body fluids, it's okay. It's for sciencey reasons. Not like perverted or voodoo reasons. I mean she's not going to, like, brine her chicken in your tears or anything." And my friends would give her that smile where they raise their eyebrows up really high.

Sometimes I don't think my explanations  necessarily make people feel less weirded out by whatever just happened.